Where am I headed I aint certain...all that I know is I am on my way!

"Got a dream boy Got a song? Paint your wagon and Come along... "Where am I goin'? I don't know Where am I headin'? I ain't certain All I know Is I am on my way When will I be there? I don't know When will I get there? I ain't certain All that I know Is I am on my way."

I joined the cliched ranks of the down-sized, unemployed, no longer working in September...almost 4 months ago....and I admit to anyone interested in knowing...I could have used my off work time, much, much better.

I have done all the requisite job searches; some with follow-up interviews...but no results...I feel like a walking talking sinking feeling at the age of 53 being interviewed by "kids" who are my own children's age. I know I am not hip, persuasive in a way that would want someone to hire me. I have no political correctness left and just want the bottom line in most of my transactions...

So instead of using the free time to write...I have been both hyper-productive and a fritterer of time.

I have cleaned out every garage, storage spot sans one room and space in my life; my taxes are done on January 3 as is my two FAFSA applications for myself and one for my daughter--oh, her taxes are done too...and I just completed the Annual Free Credit Report.com to ensure all is sitting as pretty as it should. I just sized up my meager stock holdings and they have made a respectable comeback after a dismal couple of years. Christmas is nearly put away--I did it all myself as my husband hates Christmas and my last daughter at home has a rigid schedule of work, sleep, boyfriend, school...s000...my rationale is....since I put it up on my watch...I will put it away when I feel like it.

While I was off work (and I have to be honest, I prayed to God to get me out of my last place of employment ..it was complete Godless Chaos--that is another day, another blog tale) I should have sat down and started writing. I didn't so now I am finding my way back after what I consider an unforgivable lapse away from that which makes me sane, keeps me off the streets and out of the angsting malaise jungle...writing!

As a lost in unemployed land former professional, I fell in love with POGO.com's interactive Yahtzee game and Facebook...and Facebook's Mafia Wars, Farm Town and Farmville. I can waste HOURS on these things....when I should have been writing...but it is mindless, numbing and I know I am not done yet.... Everyone has an addiction...mine is not cleaning house over and over again....so I find myself at the computer....

On the upside. My three perfect children thought enough of their Mother to pool their kid funds and make my world sweet with the great surprise of a Kindle electronic book for Christmas. It has opened cracked open my world like a ripe coconut! I will never be without reading material AGAIN! Thank you to my generous kids who know enough and care enough about their Mom, the bookworm, to make my dreams come true!!

I have been on a book bender. Everything Maya Angelou has ever written....classics...not your mother's crockpot cookbook, poetry...the San Francisco Chronicle newspaper which really resonates with my philosophy of life...live and let live...I love the Daily Dish! classics, a western, a couple ditzy romances because I have never read them...who knows book is next!
So here I am, after another bad bout of insomnia and through with chores...sitting down to write the pile of thoughts that have stacked up for month and months and months.

Tomorrow I become a student after 27 years. I was asked to participate in a program called Dislocated Worker Program...ironically enough its a program I used to help administer and had a job offer a couple years to help administrate....when I wasn't looking for another job a couple years ago and I it turned down. I find myself so ironically now. the recipient of a counselor, paperwork and financial and emotional support to find a way to climb out of the unemployment pit and back onto the job rolls...as they like to say....

My counselor is a charismatic Russian lady in her early 40s named Moscha. Moscha loves Betty Boop, wears too tight skirts and dresses cut thigh-high and has a way of placing works backwards that leaves me guessing for their true meaning. I have misinterpreted twice and it has cost me reimbursement monies. But she effuses energy and a can-do spirit and I didn't know it until I was assigned to her after a mandatory employment department orientation, that she would lift my spirits that I didn't know were sagging so low and help me muster a plan to go back to college and get saturated in English.

I could whine about the paperwork, but I know how lucky I am. I can draw my unemployment and go to school, get help with school costs...so there will be no whining. Let me just say I HATE THE PAPERWORK. I feel invaded and I am used to being the one in charge of helping people. At my age I am more and more interested in the bottom line and the truth is...and our bottomline is....we are good and poor enough after my income was eradicated to one-third its former size...that I must be in the program, do the paperwork and keep moving.

Tomorrow I will get my student ID card photo taken...and get oriented along with all the other new WSU students. I will start school proper on the 11th, going five days a week. Three english classes and one science with a lab class. I cant wait to see if the student ID will show my two chins and my freckles.

I plan on taking more education classes so I can teach. I want to either teach second grade or community college English/Writing. Either one will do. I am sure the shape of it will become more definate as I get into the classroom and see how it all feels....crazy crazy....my transcripts are older than the college advisor helping me add up the transfer credits and make a class schedule. That's right...my transcripts are older that my college advisor!

My life right now...reminds ne of a Paint Your Wagon movie theme song...that I had to learn while a mediocre soprano in my high school chorus:
"Got a dream boy Got a song? Paint your wagon and Come along... "Where am I goin'? I don't know Where am I headin'? I ain't certain All I know Is I am on my way When will I be there? I don't know When will I get there? I ain't certain All that I know Is I am on my way."