Sun Fog Warm It's OK to Choose Warm! 58 days till Spring!

Every morning we wait for the sun shrouded by fog. It's a waiting game where we are never in charge....but we are promised sunshine today by the professionals. I am hoping they can make their case. Leaving for school yesterday, the whole car needed scraped and thawed; it was less than 30 degrees, ice on the interstate and total fog (an unfavorite combination). By 3 pm, 60 degrees and full-on sun. Not sure what to make of this "winter" we are experiencing, but no analysis needed when the sun is doing its job!
My youngest daughter is turning 19 next week. I can't fathom it. She is so low key I can only speculate whether this is a day she wants celebration or not. She said, "What's 19...it's not 18, and it's not 20." Couldn't have said it better myself! Maybe a surprise BD party, maybe not. Depends on her work schedule! Plan to go to Boise next weekend too to celebrate James' BD and one of Alexa's older step sister's BDs--they share Feb. 4. Heard Boise is to get four inches of snow today. Again, we shall see. I would like to take the Nissan car out and go a little fast for a little while. Ease the car parked in the garage but still making payments blues a bit.
School: I have learned more in two weeks that I have in years. I love most of it. Read the first American novel called Edgar Huntly by Edward Brockton Brown. Convaluted but interesting style. I abhored it initially and enjoyed it at the end. Watching films and reading their book of origin and discussing. Very enjoyable and easily my favorite class. The teacher is so well prepared and you tell she loves getting paid for her love. Charlie Chaplin, City Lights was superior and we are finishing The Wild Ones with Marlon Brando today. It's The Graduate next. Biology is my challenge. And more.
The days are going by with speed again; I am grateful for having more purpose and a busy schedule. It's worth so much.
On the agenda for the weekend: NOTHING! Kindle reading catch up time!

Unti the sun shines

Another 3 a.m. getup but that's how it went, so no use going on about it. I am praying literally for sunshine today. It's mentally killing me to wake up in the gray, gloom, drizzle and think about slogging through another day of it. I drive to school and by the time I reach the first hiding spot for the local State Patrol at the 8 mile marker, its full on sun. The better to catch the speeders with! I digress. I drive home after school and its like driving into a dark wet pit.
Come on sun! At least the temperatures are higher...we had 50s in TriCities and was nearly 60 down the road in Walla Walla and the OR Coast where James was visiting on an overnight trip.
Getting myself organized for my four classes still dominates my time, in week two. It's a hamster cage. One that I am still pinching myself I am in...all the years of dreaming of going back to school and suddenly, I am here....but it's never ending.
LOVE MY ENGLISH CLASSES. The variety is so good for the brain; the quality of the instructors is so good. BIOLOGY is killing me, but I will slough through it. I keep complaining about it since none of the terms are sticking. On Chapter 4 again and I will have to literally write everything down because nothing sticks. My mind refuses to engage. I can hear it clicking in the OFF position as soon as I pick up the 11 pound book of biology knowledge. This too shall pass and then it will be a dreaded math class...but not borrowing trouble.
All the taxes are done for the year; the financials are done for school for this quarter and next and just waiting to hear from the Governor's office. I have been getting a bill for 12 years from the OR Child Support Office who wants me to pay them $ to give to Seth and Meredith's dad. The support they are trying to collect is for a period of time when the kids were living with me and I was already paid by their dad for that time. This is an internal error that they want me to get a lawyer for to amend. Why should I? It's their internal error that they refuse to acknowledge they made. I went through the channels of support and wrote to the Governor's office. They are to respond to me about 2 weeks ago. Think I will give them one more week then send another certified letter.
James and I are budgeting. We have been writing down every single purchase for the past three weeks with one more week to go. Then we get to decide where we can cut or make adjustments. We were able to refinance our car loan and dropped it $200 a mo from it; which is very good. We are working on a home refinance but it's tricky since James is drawing L&I and I am on UI. I will be looking at our insurances next. Stay tuna'ed!
The coffee at 421 am is very good, but I want to go back to sleep and not have another bad dream.
Until the sun shines...TTFN

Windmills in Education, Part I

I felt like Lucy QA'ing chocolates on the candy factory belt this week. No matter what I tried, stuffing them in my shirt to overfilling my mouth, I could not find enough time to do all my reading, attend class, blog, online discuss, absorb and reiterate to anyone who asked, "What's Up?"
I was up from 330 most mornings then falling asleep early at night to try to get my brain and schedule around the work.
A completely exhausting and exhilarating outing, this first week back in college after, and let me correct myself, 28 years, not 27.
The grand finale was the last class of the week taught by a compassionate, 60ish Science instructor. She who loves her work and seemed to understand all students are not science majors. She was very courteous and somewhat tentative in her presentations, remembering that the non-science students among her are nearly clueless. That is until the last class of week, yesterday at 1 p.m.
For 50 of the 60 minutes yesterday, you could have lit a small city with her twirling arms and mind...she was a runaway windmill writing concepts, theories, ideas, hints, going over codes, neutrons, relation of chemistry to biology, postives, negatives, and much much more. I pride myself on being an efficient, if not a fairly fast note taker. I couldn't begin to keep up. She talked without taking a breath and it seemed her brain was on fire. She would attempt to put out the smoke on one idea while the remainder of her electrified brain insisted on her emitting more and more concepts.
I gave up on taking notes and looked around. Was it just me? Could I possibly be the only student among the nearly 50 who got lost on sentence 2? No.
Without exception people were shooting eyebrows to each other; staring at their watches, turning around not even discretely to look at the clock inconveniently placed behind all the stadium seating and chewing on their pens and pencils, not so secretly texting, checking Facebook on their wifi laptops...
She was mentally lathered up, this instructor. She was on fire for her passion. She caught herself with 10 minutes left in the class. I think she realized we were zombies. She tried to reiterate her lecture by zooming through the slides at a jackrabbit rate for the last 10 minutes them telling us they were on the online discussion board.
I am debating on whether to let this one pass or say...Hey....your intermediate salvos got fired into the wrong crowd. I will probably reread my material plus the four additional chapters and hope I can draw some sense out of it. Not fun; not pretty; not a great learning moment, but inevitable when I think about it .
I also committed this week to doing a now and then News Release for the fledgling Downtown Prosser group and do their external newsletter. It will be good for my brain...just some simple writing and a contribution back to the little town which has mostly been very good to me.
Taxes are done; Federal Financial Aid is done for all the family. I am helping two nephews with their financial aid and taxes...at least the offer is on the table to help them. They both need to get into college.
The day is again, gray. Wet. Tired looking.
I am hoping some sausage and biscuits with good coffee and orange juice can perk it up.
Tally Hoooooo.....

Come on Sun, we need you!

Day two of returning to college after 27 years continues and today, it will be with books!

Books were held hostage yest by unmotivated bookstore manager. Today, it will be just me, the books and said assignments followed by an overdue doctor's appt. I was teasing James last night he looked like a Grandpappy with his white crew socks, black slippers and hole-y sweater. Today I will be the Grandmammy with my list of concerns to take the to the MDs office. I made the list because my appt was moved back and there is only 30 min to see me before closing time...and...I didnt want to forget anything!
Yesterday I walked, walked, walked on college campus cement--the concrete is a bone jarring knee killer for me; but I need the walking and will get used to it and in no time I will be thanking the college for allowing me the chance to exercise! I know myself! And following walking, my brain got lit up with thoughts of English and Biology (not that Biology is a chosen class, its a required one...I almost got into the much needed lab but was unable to accomodate it with my other classes and the level of angst I was feeling thinking I had to be in a college biology lab class!! Know myself and act on it!). I have three English classes, one Bio. The classes will keep me on a reading and viewing tight schedule. The first is a film class; we view the movie, read its originating book and discuss it from the point of view of the "outsider." Since I have felt like one most of my nonconforming life, this should be good in many ways. A couple papers, midterm and final in a blue book and group project. About one-fourth to one-fifth of the students in my classes are non-traditional in age. Should be interesting.
The other two English classes I learn about today....so...more again, soon, since I promised myself and the whole world it would be. Come on sun, we need you! 67 days till Spring!
TTFN

Come on boots!

While this is not a resolution because I detest the superficial pick one day of the year to start a good habit that you should have started months and maybe years ago, this is a challenge to myself: see if you can keep writing every day to let the beast out of the tips of the fingers and express yourself. It's reestablishing a habit I have held off and on since grade 3--and one I am denying myself. How silly and wasteful!!
This writing was interrupted by the mailman who brought me two packages with reading materials from friends. THANKS Richard! THANKS Kay! Wow. Thank you so much for thinking of me and sharing. I have more reading material next to me and as all bookworms know...there is no such thing as too much! And I certainly should mention also in the same mail pile was my AARP membership renewal and one for AAA Travel Insurance. Love being this age! I was hoping for the "skin" to cover and protect my Kindle, but not yet. Soon, I hope. I feel like I am carrying a heist of gold in my purse unprotected. I am so careful and want to not worry about it. But if this is my only worry, I honestly have none.
Looking out the upper door window where I get my first glances of the new day..It's filled completely with gray skies like a miserable about it wet blanket from sky to ground. It's freezing out and random whirls of sleet just accent the outdoor misery. But I will be walking out in it today. I told myself it will be for at least one full block. It might be more. I must keep moving. I do housework, chores, run errands for the family and ourselves and then sit. I hate to sit. There must be an alternative to sitting but its a stretch when you are a bookworm. Happiness is a fascinating book, a comfortable place to read and quiet. But I will be walking today.
Yesterday couldn't have been a larger waste of time, if I had designed it myself. I had to set up files with the student financial people; wired them money on Monday to expedite the setting up of the files; I called Tuesday to give the confirmation number--was given the backhanded brush off by a woman in a hurry who didn't bother to write down said numbers to move the paperwork along. Called four times Friday and restated to three staff what I told the off handed woman on Tuesday.
In addition to that portion of my Friday, I spent two parts of the day with my lovely Russian "case worker" who is helping me with other parts of the school finances. Lots of redoing of the obvious, in the end she had in her hand the same identical information that I gave her at 830 in the morning-but she had accomplished it herself. I adore her happy demeanor and just plan on her acute Adult Attention Disorder to be in charge; she punches keys, scurries from one document to another and she does it all in the name of being of service. There is nothing I can say except Thank Her for her heart. She is making my life so much better so there is nothing else to say.
Today, it will be a cooking of a small turkey and taking a walk. Nothing else on this agenda.
EXCEPT: Oh Richard! Look at Books du jour! I accepted your challenge and they are updated!
Daughter is telling me to start reblonding my hair. I am seriously reconsidering it! Will let you know.
Until then...to my oldest daughter who is making Ikea shelves with her Xmas electric drill...I am in awe!
TTFN

Dear Self

Dear Self:
Why do I wake up on a tear (rhymes with bear) and keep going? It is only 0916. I have ranted publicly, lobbied youngest daughter's community college board of trustees and president--offered up the no parking situation to the local TV station that investigates taxpayer supported procrastination and more.
Why do I swell up like a cornered mother badger? I think genetics is most of it and growing up the gangly, uni-browed, ugly of two choices of sister's (therefore, overlooked in my book) one is another. I call it the Beauty and Beast syndrome. That which makes a person Beautiful also makes them a Beast.
I have a gift of communication: Beautiful. I sometimes turn into a hyper-vigilant vigilante with too much frosting and not enough cake: Beast.
Today I am Beasting and hope to be done soon.
There is a critical lack of student parking spots youngest daughter's community college and has been this way for several years. The school leadership goes forth with a multi-million dollar expansion and recruitment plan and in the meantime, students are missing or chronically coming in late to class for the lack of parking; and the insult: they ticket students for parking wherever they can so they can get to class. Mmmmm.....
We will see where my high-watt verbalizing gets me.

In other mediocre updates: I am doing and re-doing hordes of school and financial aid related paperwork. Just as I expected. But I also expected more patience out of myself. I am biting my tongue frequently and will keep smiling smiling smiling through to the end of it. Today, I will be working on patience.

On a slightly different colored note: It's every shade of gray out today. It's matted, mused, fused, integrated and omniscent. I would give up my sacred coffee for a week for a day of full on sun. Please?
We will be taking in the graduation of a friend's daughter's from her Certified Nursing Assistant class. That is a big Hoo-Rah for a sweet girl lacking basic confidence!
More soon I am sure since, gratefully, the writing bug, not the lazy bug, is in charge.

PS I cant find a way to get back in and edit

MEA CULPA FOR THE MISSPELLINGS AND TWISTED WORDS.

Where am I headed I aint certain...all that I know is I am on my way!

"Got a dream boy Got a song? Paint your wagon and Come along... "Where am I goin'? I don't know Where am I headin'? I ain't certain All I know Is I am on my way When will I be there? I don't know When will I get there? I ain't certain All that I know Is I am on my way."

I joined the cliched ranks of the down-sized, unemployed, no longer working in September...almost 4 months ago....and I admit to anyone interested in knowing...I could have used my off work time, much, much better.

I have done all the requisite job searches; some with follow-up interviews...but no results...I feel like a walking talking sinking feeling at the age of 53 being interviewed by "kids" who are my own children's age. I know I am not hip, persuasive in a way that would want someone to hire me. I have no political correctness left and just want the bottom line in most of my transactions...

So instead of using the free time to write...I have been both hyper-productive and a fritterer of time.

I have cleaned out every garage, storage spot sans one room and space in my life; my taxes are done on January 3 as is my two FAFSA applications for myself and one for my daughter--oh, her taxes are done too...and I just completed the Annual Free Credit Report.com to ensure all is sitting as pretty as it should. I just sized up my meager stock holdings and they have made a respectable comeback after a dismal couple of years. Christmas is nearly put away--I did it all myself as my husband hates Christmas and my last daughter at home has a rigid schedule of work, sleep, boyfriend, school...s000...my rationale is....since I put it up on my watch...I will put it away when I feel like it.

While I was off work (and I have to be honest, I prayed to God to get me out of my last place of employment ..it was complete Godless Chaos--that is another day, another blog tale) I should have sat down and started writing. I didn't so now I am finding my way back after what I consider an unforgivable lapse away from that which makes me sane, keeps me off the streets and out of the angsting malaise jungle...writing!

As a lost in unemployed land former professional, I fell in love with POGO.com's interactive Yahtzee game and Facebook...and Facebook's Mafia Wars, Farm Town and Farmville. I can waste HOURS on these things....when I should have been writing...but it is mindless, numbing and I know I am not done yet.... Everyone has an addiction...mine is not cleaning house over and over again....so I find myself at the computer....

On the upside. My three perfect children thought enough of their Mother to pool their kid funds and make my world sweet with the great surprise of a Kindle electronic book for Christmas. It has opened cracked open my world like a ripe coconut! I will never be without reading material AGAIN! Thank you to my generous kids who know enough and care enough about their Mom, the bookworm, to make my dreams come true!!

I have been on a book bender. Everything Maya Angelou has ever written....classics...not your mother's crockpot cookbook, poetry...the San Francisco Chronicle newspaper which really resonates with my philosophy of life...live and let live...I love the Daily Dish! classics, a western, a couple ditzy romances because I have never read them...who knows book is next!
So here I am, after another bad bout of insomnia and through with chores...sitting down to write the pile of thoughts that have stacked up for month and months and months.

Tomorrow I become a student after 27 years. I was asked to participate in a program called Dislocated Worker Program...ironically enough its a program I used to help administer and had a job offer a couple years to help administrate....when I wasn't looking for another job a couple years ago and I it turned down. I find myself so ironically now. the recipient of a counselor, paperwork and financial and emotional support to find a way to climb out of the unemployment pit and back onto the job rolls...as they like to say....

My counselor is a charismatic Russian lady in her early 40s named Moscha. Moscha loves Betty Boop, wears too tight skirts and dresses cut thigh-high and has a way of placing works backwards that leaves me guessing for their true meaning. I have misinterpreted twice and it has cost me reimbursement monies. But she effuses energy and a can-do spirit and I didn't know it until I was assigned to her after a mandatory employment department orientation, that she would lift my spirits that I didn't know were sagging so low and help me muster a plan to go back to college and get saturated in English.

I could whine about the paperwork, but I know how lucky I am. I can draw my unemployment and go to school, get help with school costs...so there will be no whining. Let me just say I HATE THE PAPERWORK. I feel invaded and I am used to being the one in charge of helping people. At my age I am more and more interested in the bottom line and the truth is...and our bottomline is....we are good and poor enough after my income was eradicated to one-third its former size...that I must be in the program, do the paperwork and keep moving.

Tomorrow I will get my student ID card photo taken...and get oriented along with all the other new WSU students. I will start school proper on the 11th, going five days a week. Three english classes and one science with a lab class. I cant wait to see if the student ID will show my two chins and my freckles.

I plan on taking more education classes so I can teach. I want to either teach second grade or community college English/Writing. Either one will do. I am sure the shape of it will become more definate as I get into the classroom and see how it all feels....crazy crazy....my transcripts are older than the college advisor helping me add up the transfer credits and make a class schedule. That's right...my transcripts are older that my college advisor!

My life right now...reminds ne of a Paint Your Wagon movie theme song...that I had to learn while a mediocre soprano in my high school chorus:
"Got a dream boy Got a song? Paint your wagon and Come along... "Where am I goin'? I don't know Where am I headin'? I ain't certain All I know Is I am on my way When will I be there? I don't know When will I get there? I ain't certain All that I know Is I am on my way."

Long time no blog

I can seriously relate to this guy.

The spirit is moving me, so I should.
Sitting in the dark with coffee thinking of all that I should be doing and I stare at it, but feels in the bones this will be a productive day, indeed!
The first snow of the year is supposed to be here just any time, the National Weather Service says. We are just a week and a few days shy of Xmas so I would say, we are overdue.
Have the new 7.5 ft tree up and waiting for youngest daughter to wake to help me decorate it. Its our tradition that I will not do well with, once she is moved out. I dread that. I have pared down the holiday decorating to just a room and a few do-dads here and there. I used to love an all out effect and dont know if its age or what...not moved...anymore.

failed my blog

i have not wanted to write substance due to the business of everything else. but i will be back soon.

We will keep an eye on all this!

July 25 Birthday Horoscope

If Today is Your Birthday: July 25

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The Year Ahead Forecast for July 2009 to July 2010 The Sun trine Moon in your Solar Return chart is a fortunate aspect. It suggests that your domestic and career needs are not in competition with one another this year. Your inner needs tend to be mirrored by external events, and vice versa. This aspect is very powerful and rewarding. It suggests that you will be on top of your game this year, for the most part, and positive connections with others can be made rather easily. A comfortable level of personal popularity helps to keep conflict to a minimum. With the ability to handle your emotions successfully, there is less stress on both your mind and body. Your self-confidence and positive attitude will reward you. Mars squares Neptune at the time of your birthday this year, however, presenting a challenge for you in the year ahead. Your energy levels are likely to be quite variable this year--waxing and waning in a moody fashion. Inspiration comes from unusual sources, but you can have a hard time staying focused and organized. You may find that is too easy to waste your time and energy, perhaps due to occasional periods when you seem to lack drive and direction. You may also experience passive-aggressiveness in others, which impacts your life in frustrating ways, or you could find relationships with others confusing and hard to define. Although you may enjoy an increase in your intuitive capabilities, you can also be too open to influence so that fears or delusions impact your ability to see your life clearly. This could also be a year when you are more creative, yet not in a reliable or organized manner. The Sun forms a hard aspect to Uranus, and you may often be tempted to throw out practical or traditional considerations in favor of more exciting or stimulating plans. Unexpected changes in plans or events can test your patience. However, they could stimulate you to try new approaches and they certainly act to cut boredom. This influence could offer you the drive to do something new, but avoid making hasty major decisions for the time being. Your creativity is stimulated this year, but so is your excitability and your need for freedom. You are likely to be more outspoken than usual, perhaps even rebellious. Some creative aspects that help ease the tension of this square include Sun-Mars, Mars-Uranus, and Mars-Pluto. With the Sun in creative aspect to Mars, your desire nature is strong, and increased physical activity, including sexual, is likely. Independent work is favored. Competitive activities may also thrive this year. With Mars-Uranus, bursts of creativity and energy help you to further your goals. It is easier than usual to break free from habits that have previously held you back from going after what you want in life. Mars-Pluto adds determination and stimulates your ambition. Mercury trine the Moon's North Node and Uranus suggests making contact through learning, communicating, and mental pursuits. An intellectually stimulating year in which the exchange of ideas with others figures prominently is in store for you. There may be unexpected and pleasant news this year that enhances your life. You are able to find new insight into old problems, and your thinking processes during this period are likely to be especially original. This is a good year for projects involving technology or New Age topics. You may find more opportunities to attend meetings and other organized group activities, to communicate online, and to take part in activities involving computers, scientific projects, or metaphysics. Unexpected gains may be realized through such mediums. Your intuition is strong, and insights seem to come from "out of the blue". Original, creative ideas are easy to come by this year. Jupiter in creative aspect to Neptune suggests that making connections with others from a different background is likely to figure in the year ahead. Widening your mind through unusual or different experiences can be part of the picture. Generosity and compassion increases, and your faith is boosted. You more easily make personal sacrifices for what you believe to be the better good. The year ahead is strong for strengthening relationships, as well as for learning and expanding your horizons through contact with others. For the most part, you experience harmony between what's in your heart and what's in your head. Avoiding the tendency towards "pie in the sky" thinking and rebelliousness will be necessary in order to keep grounded. Impractical ventures may hold a strong lure for you, and it is best to avoid jumping into new endeavors without thinking things over first. 2009 is a Number Seven year for you. Ruled by Mercury. This is a year of exploration and freedom. It's a time when exploration and reaching out to others brings opportunities. It's a good time to advertise and sell. Surprises are in store, and the routine is broken. This is a year when exciting relationships can be formed, or, if you are already in a partnership, new life is breathed into the relationship. Advice - explore, look for adventure, keep your eyes open for opportunities, mingle. 2010 will be a Number Ten year for you. Ruled by Venus. This is a year of relative contentment. It is a time when love is the easiest to attract, and partnerships formed under this vibration have a better chance for longevity. You are able to attract others, and material things as well, this year. This is a good year for establishing harmony in the family and in the home. Advice - develop existing relationships, be positive and receptive because these kinds of energies help you to attract what you desire.

More soon, really!

I really will be writing again. I hope this weekend!
Tomorrow is my 53rd year on this planet. I told my family, only 2 years now until i can collect on my senior discounts!

Many more vacation photos to come

Eyes got opened again

What an incredible journey this past week has been. I received a call from one of my children last Thursday to let me know she was making what I initially felt was a sudden and very serious lifestyle change. It took me to my knees for many reasons that I initially did not understand. While child has spent the past week sorting through choices and awakenings, this old mom has been introspecting and trying hard to understand my own pain response to her challenges.
First issue I had to address was how much attention should I give and how much should I respect this 20-something's space. I am not good and never will be good at staying away from a child (no matter the age) in pain. I burned up the phone line, sent texts and generally made a pest of myself. I have never been able to let my children's suffering and/or pain roll off from me. Never have, and never will--I learned that this week. Subject to instant weepy spells and remorse I could only focus on the exquisiteness of the relationship that will be taking a hiatus while the individuals in it spend time on their separate issues.
Having spent 23 years madly loving and cheering my intensely sensitive and resilient child, I wanted to hold her close while the tears came and wipe the tears away (I still do). It took all my restraint to stay put and let the young adult life take its course; after all, two smart, loving and caring people were in it and it is theirs.
I asked my family and friends for prayers and advice.
The prayers were heard as child found her voice and focus increased.
The advice I received from family and friends was as diverse as the hearts of the writers were generous. Oh my word. I read each response (which is going into a collage for child) and sobbed at work, as I read them. I am crying as I write this. 53 years old and crying for the first time for days of my own, where I stumbled horribly, lost eons more than I gained emotionally, many decades ago.
During this past week I came to clearly understand how blessed I am to have a large and generous circle of friends and family. The responses to my request for auntly advice came right away and each one full of depth. Each one was carefully crafted and contained loving messages to me and my child. We are sooooo lucky, child and I to be covered by these friends and the loving power above us. The messages sometime came into my email box within seconds of each other and it quickly was clear, I am fortunate to walk this planet as part of a circle where these open-hearted friends and family reside.
I also clearly came to understand, I dont have to, like I chose to do when I was a young, confused girl in my 20s, walk through the painful parts of life all alone. My family and friends were at my ear, eye and finger tip, almost instantaneously, just for the asking.
I also this week came to understand that many of the hot and uncontrollable tears were 25 years stored and were just now, for reasons I still cant articulate, being released. During those early years of change, I felt I only had the end of the world to look forward to each day when I divorced my big kid's dad and started a new life.
Everything, every routine, every thought I had of a picket fenced life disappeared when I chose to live a life on my own, without alcohol. In the course of reclaiming my sanity and life, I initially lost custody of my big kids for a period of time. There was never nor will ever be, no deeper, unmovable sorrow than this one.
And through the long period where hate prevailed, friends of my ex-spouse spit on me, called me names in public and tried their best to keep me from finding peace, happiness and a better life, I never, during these two decades, cried...until this week.
I talked to oldest child whose insight always piques my brain. I was informed while I always mean well (and this was said with love and predictable candor) that I generally am only able to dispense advice based on my experiences that was sometimes not especially helpful and sometimes, not even pertinent.
That made me not only laugh and think--yep...that is all I got in my parental toolkit...ideas and wisdom based on my not so well lived (for a period of years) life. I laughed and laughed and also forced me to think and think.
The conclusion at this juncture, is I will always just react genuinely to my children, husband, family and friends. That is all I got. And what I lack in insight and finesse, I will fill in the gaps with all my love.
And this week I also found I can for the first time since I was in my early 20s, cry--long, loud, quietly, bitter and hot tears. This past week those tears came often, unexpectedly and concurrently. A gaggle of tears for my ages old losses and at the same time, tears for the deep emotional suffering of my child. The choices of child's life are not mine, but hers. But as she is growing, examining, questioning and moving out of the safe into an unknown zone, I can, and I will stand by. And I just might cry a bit while I am at it.

A couple days in dental hell

A couple days in dental hell has given me a new respect for all the little things in life that go well each day. A person takes so much for granted until it falls away or apart. I spent the last few days in many different types of unexpected deep pain from a crown coming off, tooth cracking, tooth repair not only breaking but breaking the tooth worse, root canal, infection and so many different types of drugs I am not sure which is for what. So this is what its like being bucked of a dental horse!!! Ouch!
Since today is technically my Friday I am grateful.
Have strawberry jam made (28 pounds of local berries) and ready to put in containers and freeze. Mmmmmm.
World War III with youngest daughter last night. To summarize, coming of age, frustrated by unsuccessful job search, my ongoing disapproval of her bf and his family's lifestyle....culminated in an awful verbal match between daughteris and I. I am sorry for it but resolved of some things all the while--as I know she is too. Growing up is hard.
Some progress on the lawsuit front. We will see today what is left after lawyer gets his percent plus bills incurred.
Must get ready for work....
TTFN

Gravity is where you find it

http://www.tri-cityherald.com/kennewick_pasco_richland/story/620894.html

Fathers day was a good day all around. Lots of food, visiting, family activity. But the highlight had to be the First Annual Father's Day Cup held at the above link, Gravity Hill.
Its a scenic location about 20 min out of our hometown. You put the car in neutral and the car goes up hill at a peak of about 11 mph. We cant and dont want to explain it, it just is. It's been an accepted local phenomenon for years. Now the paper next door in a larger town has shed some publicity on it.
That didnt thwart our enthusiasm for my hubby and his best friend's long standing bet to race the hill.
After several stops and starts we took daughter'slightweight Chevy, with step daughter and her two boys to the gorgeous setting about 8:30 last night. We carried with us a make do 2009 Gravity Hill Champ loving cup filled with Hershey chocolate bars and Reese's peanut butter cups. We tied some found pink rickrack on it for good measure. Stepdaughter took her American flag and stood at the top of the hill on the finish line. She was also doubling as a look out as our competitor in his Suburban was going to have to use the wrong lane to race us.
In the 18 seconds the race took, we didnt have a chance; our lightweight Chevy was ahead for the first two feet; we were sad and hopeless the entire 18 seconds.
Loser had to pay up at the DQ. 25 minutes and $34 later, it was the cause de celeb. It was hard to say what was sweeter--racing our friends on a gorgeous strip of wine and wheat country road and nearly dusk; or all the jokes around the table as we inhaled our winner-loser ice cream treats. There is a photo available of the team that beat us; hope I can get a copy to post it here.
Monday is waiting for me...I am lacking distinct enthusiasm!
TTFN

too tired to write

Boing

The better half and I, along with two other couples were sitting out on the deck late last night sipping and visiting. It was 77 degrees and summer perfection. Behind us is our yard, fence, alley, another fence and another family. It's either the uncompassionate local MD or the self-absorbed newspaper reporter who writes for the up the valley paper--but never mind--the enchanting part of the evening was the four kids over the second fence repeatedly bouncing high enough on their trampoline to see over their fence into our yard for a nanosecond at a time. Boing, "Hi!!" Boing, "Hellooo over there..." boing.. "What are you doing???? boing...
I yelled back "visiting with friends!" Boing, "Oh you aren't having a party?" boing.. "We hear your music!" (yes, best of Meatloaf was playing). "No this is just a visit!" "OK" boing.
"We are all friends too, " boing--"Actually we are cousins..." boing. "I live here," boing "And these two are from Spokane." boing. Number four says "I want to be from Spokane but I am actually just from Yakima." Boing.
"Yakima is fine," I yell back.
"Hey are we bothering you guys?" Boing. "Not at all," I say. Boing. "We actually really like kids," I finish.
"You do?" boing. "We will take that to heart," boing, boing, boing, "Yipee."

Did i really just make this 3 berry and cornmeal cobbler?

Is this really me? Cooking sheer fabulousness?
Will let you know how it tastes with french vanilla icecream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still reading tho not writing

Sunset over the Yakima River on June 11, 2009, taken with my Blackberry...it was gorgeous!

Half the book worm equation with some momentum is better than none, I have to give myself that. I am reading again every chance i get, tho hardly writing. Thanks to stars for this blog, a few friends who email me regularly and notes to daughter in the am to send love and set out the daily chores...without those, I would be muted.
Reading Frank McCourt's "Tis" again and really enjoying this go. He is gifted. I bought a few more books too, sitting at my elbow so as soon as i am done, I can grab another. The question is, how to keep the writing adrift?
Bought a lot of pieces of material this last week at the thrift stores and a 101 book on quilting. I have been trying to figure out a hobby since I seem to need one that winds me down and provides a way to be creative. We will see how this goes. Kids of mine: save some favorite old clothing items since I might be making you a quilt. As a girl I spent summers with my maternal grandma and quilting was one of things we used to do together: sit and cut material patterns and baste them together. We will see if I retained any of these skills learned making old style quilt blocks with Grandma Laura Pearl.
The shower and coffee calls. TTFN.